Every four years, we gather to watch.

This year, a number of active duty athletes are competing in Milan-Cortina. And while the military doesn’t send teams to compete on snow-covered slopes or ice skating rinks, it got us thinking: what if each branch did have an Olympic sport that matched its personality? So, we gave it a shot.

Army - Biathlon

Ski fast. Stop. Shoot accurately. Repeat.

Biathlon is basically a stress-test disguised as a sport, which makes it very Army-core. It demands endurance, discipline, and the ability to shoot with precision when you’re beyond winded.

It’s the perfect match for a branch built on repetition, resilience, and doing your job right even when you’re exhausted. Honestly, biathlon feels like something a sergeant major invented just to prove a point about “embracing the suck.”

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Navy - Curling

At first glance, curling looks calm—until you realize it’s pure strategy, communication, and quiet chaos.

The Navy thrives on planning, teamwork, and navigating complex situations where even small moves matter. Curling is basically ship operations on ice: read the environment, adjust the angle, communicate constantly, and yell politely while sliding heavy objects exactly where they need to go.

It’s tactical, patient, and surprisingly intense—very Sailor energy.

Air Force - Ski Jumping

Launch. Control. Land.

The Air Force lives for airtime, physics, and making dangerous things look smooth. Ski jumping is aviation without the aircraft: speed, lift, precision, and a whole lot of trust in engineering and body control.

Marines - Ice Hockey

Aggressive. Fast. Loud. Hits everything.

Marines don't glide—they charge. Ice hockey is controlled violence mixed with teamwork, stamina, and attitude. It’s physical, relentless, and demands toughness with discipline.

Plus, let’s be honest: Marines would absolutely dominate the chirping game between plays.

Space Force - Figure Skating

Everyone thinks it’s just vibes and glitter… until they realize it’s pure physics, brutal timing, and terrifying consequences if you miss a rotation.

Figure skating looks effortless, but one wrong edge and you’re off your trajectory. Same energy as launching satellites into orbit—graceful on the surface, rocket science underneath. The Space Force lives in that space where style meets precision and mistakes aren’t an option.

Coast Guard - Speed Skating

Fast response. Precision. No wasted motion.

The Coast Guard’s mission is being where they need to be now—whether it’s a rescue, patrol, or emergency response. Speed skating fits perfectly: smooth, efficient, technical, and built for rapid action under pressure.

It’s not flashy, but it’s dependable and focused on performance when every second matters.

National Guard - Nordic Combined

Ski hard. Jump big. Do both without complaining.

The National Guard wears two uniforms—civilian and military—and Nordic Combined fits that split identity perfectly. It blends endurance and explosive skill, switching gears quickly, just like Guardsmen do between hometown life and mission mode.

BONUS: Special Operations - Skeleton

Headfirst. 80+ miles per hour. Zero room for error.

Yeah, that tracks.

Skeleton athletes throw themselves face-first down an ice track at highway (and faster) speeds using nothing but precision and nerves of steel. That’s Special Ops: calculated risk, elite control, and absolute commitment when things go sideways.

It’s fast, unforgiving, and not for the casually brave.

Let the Games Begin

Every branch brings its own personality to the fight. From Marine muscle to Space Force precision. Different missions, different styles—same drive to win.

The question remains: which branch would take home the most medals?

Suggested reads:

• Service Members Say They Felt "Pressured" by Command to Attend 'Melania' Film Screening
• The Army's New DFAC Shift: What "Freedom Dollars" Mean For Your Next Meal
• Which Branch of the Military Should I Join? What to Consider