NAVIGATING CHALLENGES IN MILITARY RELATIONSHIPS: TIPS FOR STRENGTHENING YOUR BOND
Whether you’re newlyweds, will be celebrating your 20th anniversary, or anywhere in between, military relationships are not for the faint of heart. Every relationship has its ups and downs but the demands of milspouses are a unique experience requiring a lot of sacrifices in a life already dedicated to service. Knowing the challenges you might face and how to overcome them can help you and your partner lead more fulfilling lives together.
Do Military Relationships Last?
One of the biggest misconceptions surrounding military relationships is that they experience a high level of failure. Specifically, when it comes to divorce.
While there is some evidence that milspouses are more likely to experience a divorce than their civilian counterparts, here are a few considerations to remember:
- Research comparing military and civilian divorce rates is challenging due to differences in how they are tracked and the lack of comprehensive civilian data.
- Some studies show that military couples may actually have lower divorce rates overall.
- However, there are a lot of variables, including your service branch, age, and where the military member ranks.
- Because the military encourages marriage, provides steady income, offers unique benefits, and provides service members with family support, many couples find structure and support while serving.
Still, some subgroups face higher risks, such as female military members, who experience divorce rates twice as high as male members.
Furthermore, those experiencing longer deployments and combat-related deployments are more likely to divorce their partner.
As you can see, the military and relationships have a complex relationship in and of themselves, with situations differing depending on several circumstances.
The Challenges of Military Relationships
While each military relationship may differ, challenges are going to be a part of the journey.
Identifying some of the more common hurdles your relationship will have to clear is the first step in ensuring you and your partner go the distance:
Dealing With Long Distance and Separation
Being separated from your partner is the most widespread issue facing military relationships.
Not only are there issues being physically away from your loved one but you’re also going to have situations where they are potentially in harm’s way, a lack of knowledge of their actual whereabouts, and they may not be easily accessible over the phone or online.
Deployments continue to be the top issues for milspouses and even if they don’t reach the length of 22 months, like the longest recorded during Operation Iraqi Freedom, any amount of time is enough to strain your relationship.
Communication
Loved ones being far from home may not be able to speak for large periods of time due to the nature of their mission; however, this is only the beginning.
Communication issues can plague military relationships in many different ways:
- Your partner doesn’t know how to change from their military mindset into a civilian one.
- Mental health issues may arise.
- Milspouses may not fully understand how to communicate with their partner, especially at the beginning of the relationship.
Combined with not knowing what comes next, relationships have an understandably tall task when navigating a life of service and their futures together.
The Unknown
Your entire world can be set in a routine, life can be good, but then, orders come in and it’s time to change it all once more.
There are a lot of unknowns in the military world and these uncertainties are exactly where many milspouses find stress points in their relationships.
The demands of the military require high-stress situations that are always changing.
It’s important to have a plan in place that allows you and your household to pivot and evolve when necessary.
Military-Specific Issues
Couples within the military community face several issues that civilians may face, only not in the same way. For example:
- Mental or physical health issues directly tied to combat or training.
- Financial issues that are specific to military pay, PCSing, and navigating the complex field of benefits.
- Interrupted careers for civilian milspouses.
These are just some of the examples as the list goes on and on. Service means sacrifice and military relationships continue to bear the brunt of this in ways people outside of the community may simply overlook.
Improving Military Relationships
Recognizing what can be detrimental to your relationship helps you identify potential risks.
However, even more importantly, it allows military couples the insight they need to combat such challenges.
Important resources are available on base, such as through your installation’s Chaplin, local counseling professionals, or even through Military OneSource online.
Making a plan and executing it is essential for every mission, and having one is exactly how relationships in the military community thrive:
- Manage expectations about communication and be sure to reconnect on multiple levels once your service member is in the position to do so.
- Reach out to your fellow community for advice on how to handle military-specific issues when you feel stuck.
- Always be sure to recharge your own batteries by prioritizing your mental and physical health to be the best possible partner that you can.
Military relationships are special and when cultivated the right way, lead both partners to long, rewarding partnerships that elevate each other for life.
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