Solo parenting during a deployment is, without question, one of the most demanding parts of military life. Military spouses carry incredible strength and resilience, balancing family, work, and the emotional weight of separation—all while maintaining a sense of normalcy for their children.

As a proud active duty military spouse of the last fifteen years, I have had the opportunity to meet and connect with other spouses around the globe who have sustained far greater and more difficult separations than I have. While my husband deployed three times in three years during his time as a Naval Aviator, he never deployed or left for longer than a few weeks at a time when we had children. Now that I am a mom myself, I have a unique sense of appreciation for those who hold down the home front during an extended separation.

One of those friends that I now look up to for the way she juggled deployments, kids, a career of her own, and more is my friend Sarah Holley. She and I connected recently to chat about all things deployment survival on the spouse's end, and she graciously shared some advice that she has gleaned along the way.

Prepare and Plan Ahead

Preparation—what we in the Naval Aviation community call “pre-flight”—is the key to survival.

Before your spouse leaves, sit down together to discuss everything from finances and family schedules to emergency contacts and home maintenance. Having a plan in place helps reduce uncertainty and stress when challenges arise.

Consider using programs like The Focus Project, a nonprofit organization that provides resilience training for military families. They offer practical tools to improve communication, problem-solving, and emotional regulation—skills that become invaluable during separation.

Create Things to Look Forward to

Deployment can feel endless if every day looks the same. Plan small milestones and rewards to break up the time.

Celebrate each month completed, plan a mid-deployment getaway, or pick up a new hobby with your kids.

Sarah Holley shared that she and her family “celebrated every month completed, planned a trip halfway through, and found new hobbies to pass the time.” Simple celebrations give both adults and children something positive to anticipate.

Ask for and Accept Help

Military spouses often hear how “strong” or “superhuman” they are—but strength doesn’t mean doing it all alone. Accepting help is not a weakness; it’s a survival skill.

Friends, neighbors, and your military community genuinely want to support you.

When someone offers, take them up on it—whether it’s picking up groceries, watching the kids for an hour, or helping with home projects.

Delegating tasks allows you to focus your energy on what matters most: your family’s emotional and physical well-being.

Outsource When You Can

Deployment is the perfect time to “hire it done.” If you can, outsource chores that add stress or take away from family time. That might mean paying for a monthly house cleaning, lawn care, or meal delivery.

If hiring help isn’t in the budget, try asking for community support. Many military bases and local organizations offer volunteer services to families of deployed service members.

Raising children in today’s day and age truly takes a village, and when you layer a deployment on top of this equation, support is not only helpful, it is essential!

Find Strength in Giving Back

Helping others can be one of the most powerful ways to lift your own spirits during deployment.

Consider small acts of kindness—like sending a meal to another family going through the same experience.

Sarah and her family made it a tradition to send dinner to a friend every Monday during deployment. She elaborated on this in sharing,

“Each week, we’d listen to who had a lot going on or needed a pick-me-up. We’d DoorDash them Chick-fil-A on a Monday night. This became a fun tradition for both myself and our children to look forward to connecting with friends in the same boat and letting them know we were thinking about them.”

Prioritize Self-Care Without Guilt

Self-care during deployment is not selfish—it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

For some, self-care might mean training for a race, setting professional goals, or joining a support group.

For others, it’s simply taking quiet time after the kids go to bed, booking a massage, or watching a favorite show uninterrupted. Whatever replenishes your energy and joy deserves a spot on the calendar.

Keep the End in Sight

No deployment lasts forever, even when it feels that way. Keep a countdown, write letters, or make a “deployment wall” where kids can mark the days until homecoming. These small rituals help maintain hope and excitement for the reunion ahead.

Through every challenge, remember that you’re part of a resilient community of military spouses who have weathered these separations before. The pride of serving alongside your partner, even from afar, is what sustains many through the hardest moments.

Final Thoughts

While extended separations such as deployments certainly prove challenging for military spouses and families as a whole, there is nothing sweeter than a long-anticipated reunion when it comes time for a service member’s homecoming.

Through each challenge, trial, and tribulation, we as spouses soldier up and endure these separations time and time again because we know deep down that in the end, it is all for the greater good of serving and defending our great country.

Our hearts swell with pride to a degree that we just can’t quite explain. This pride helps provide us strength and sustains us and our families when we need it most.

Suggested reads:

• Sesame Street For Military Families Launches New "Healthy, Happy, Ready" Resources
• Childcare Gaps Driving Spouses Out of the Workforce
• The PCS Parenting Playbook: Keeping Kids Grounded While Everything Changes