For Military Spouses Facing Domestic Violence

For many military spouses, the word “home” should bring comfort, safety, and support. But for some, it’s the very place where fear lives.

Domestic violence within the military community is an issue that too often remains hidden—trapped beneath fear, shame, and silence. Military spouses experiencing abuse often feel powerless to seek help, believing that reporting the abuse will jeopardize the service member’s career, financial stability, or even lead to more severe consequences at home. The unique structure of military life, including command authority, housing dependency, and financial control, makes the decision to speak up even harder.

But now, things are changing. You have options. You have rights. And most importantly, you are not alone.

Understanding Your Reporting Options

New legislation and Department of Defense (DoD) policy updates are giving military spouses safer, more flexible pathways to report domestic violence and seek help without immediately involving their partner’s chain of command.

1. Restricted vs. Unrestricted Reporting

• Restricted Reporting allows you to confidentially disclose domestic abuse to a Victim Advocate, Family Advocacy Program (FAP) clinician, or healthcare provider without initiating an official investigation or notifying your partner’s command.
• This option gives you time to gather support, access medical care, safety planning, and advocacy services—all while maintaining your privacy.
• Unrestricted Reporting means that your report will be shared with command and law enforcement. While this may lead to protective actions and investigation, it may also result in unintended consequences for the abuser’s military career.

2. Direct Access to Support—Without Command Involvement

Thanks to new policy guidance, you can now bypass the chain of command and reach out directly to:

• Family Advocacy Program (FAP): Every military installation has a FAP office. They provide confidential support, safety planning, counseling, and crisis intervention. National directories can be found for branch specific FAP locations: Air Force, Navy, Marines, Army.
• Military OneSource: Available 24/7 at 800-342-9647. They provide confidential counseling and can connect you with local resources, no matter where you are.
• DoD Safe Helpline: Especially for sexual assault but also helpful in connecting with local domestic violence resources. Call 877-995-5247 or visit www.safehelpline.org.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 24/7 support from trained advocates at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788. Online chat also available at www.thehotline.org.

3. Installation Protection Orders & Civilian Restraining Orders

You have legal protections—whether you’re on or off base:

• Military Protective Orders (MPOs) can be issued quickly by a commanding officer if there is a credible threat. While they’re only enforceable on base, they can offer immediate separation and safety.
• Civilian Restraining Orders (CPOs) are issued by local courts and can offer broader protection, including legal consequences for violations.

4. Transitional Compensation Program

If your abuser is separated from the military due to domestic violence, you may be eligible for Transitional Compensation.

This benefit provides temporary financial support, medical care, and access to base privileges—helping reduce the fear of “losing everything” if you come forward.

5. Safe Housing & Emergency Relocation

Many installations and civilian organizations offer emergency shelter, relocation assistance, and safe housing programs for victims and their children.

The Family Advocacy Program and local domestic violence agencies can coordinate these efforts discreetly.

What If You're Too Afraid to Tell Anyone?

If you're not ready to report—or even say the words out loud—you are still not alone, and you are still deserving of help.

Fear is a natural response to abuse. You may be afraid of what will happen if you speak up: fear of retaliation, fear of losing housing or income, fear of being judged, or fear that no one will believe you. These fears are valid. But silence doesn’t have to be your only option.

Here are a few safe and empowering steps you can take without having to officially report or disclose details right away:

1. Start by Writing It Down (Privately and Securely)

Sometimes, simply naming what’s happening—privately in a journal, a secure notes app, or even an encrypted email to yourself—can help you begin to process your situation.

It can also be useful if you decide to seek help later and want to recall specific details.

Tip: Avoid writing or saving anything on shared devices your partner has access to. Use a friend’s phone, a private computer, or pen and paper if possible.

2. Talk to a Confidential Resource Without Giving Your Name

You don’t need to share your identity to ask questions. Reach out to any of these Hotlines and speak anonymously.

You can simply ask, “What are my options?” or “What can I do if I’m scared to report?”

• Military OneSource (800-342-9647)
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233 or text “START” to 88788)
• DoD Safe Helpline (877-995-5247)

3. Build a Safety Plan

Even if you're not ready to leave or speak out, you can quietly build a safety plan.

Keep these things in mind:

• Identifying a safe place to go if violence escalates
• Keeping copies of important documents in a secure or offsite location
• Stashing a go-bag with essentials: IDs, medications, cash, and keys
• Setting up a code word with a trusted friend or family member that signals you need help

FAP Victim Advocates and domestic violence organizations can help you do this without requiring you to make an official report.

4. Confide in One Trusted Person

If possible, choose one person—a friend, a family member, a chaplain, or a support professional—who you feel emotionally safe with. You don’t have to tell them everything.

Even saying, “I don’t feel safe at home, but I’m not ready to talk yet,” is a courageous step that creates a support lifeline.

5. Trust Your Instincts

You don’t need a black eye, hospital visit, or “proof” for your pain to be real.

Abuse can be physical, emotional, psychological, financial, or sexual. If something feels wrong, it is. Trust that inner voice.

Remember: You don’t have to be ready to leave. You don’t have to tell your whole story. You don’t even have to know what you want to do next.

You just have to stay safe and know that help is always available when you are ready.

You are seen. You are believed. And you have choices.

You Are Not Alone

Choosing to leave or report abuse is never easy—especially when military life adds extra weight to every decision. But you do not have to do this alone.

There is no shame in protecting yourself. You deserve to be safe. You deserve to be heard. And you deserve a future free from fear.

Whether you choose to stay, leave, or just gather more information—you are taking a powerful step toward reclaiming your safety and your voice.

If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or your base’s emergency services.

For confidential help:

• Military OneSource: 800-342-9647
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 | thehotline.org
• Safe Helpline: 877-995-5247 | safehelpline.org

Because when home isn’t safe, you deserve to know your options—and you deserve support every step of the way.

Suggested reads:

• "What I Wish My Friends Understood About Military Life" From the Lens of an Active Duty Spouse
• 6 Strategies to Reduce Stress & Protect Your Mental Health While PCSing
• Military's Weakest Link: How the Childcare Crisis Is Undermining Readiness