5 TIPS EVERY MILSPOUSE NEEDS TO THRIVE DURING THE FIRST DEPLOYMENT
The military lifestyle can be jarring for many reasons, but none are arguably as difficult as dealing with deployment as a partner. Milspouses need to learn how to deal with deployment because it’s a harsh reality of military service, and without a proper plan in place, your relationship will surely suffer. Below, we’re breaking down some of the top things you should know during the first deployment as a military spouse, as well as what to expect during future deployments to come.
5 Tips to Get You Through the First Deployment as a Military Spouse
Long deployments are one of the leading factors for divorce among military couples, so understanding how to get through one is imperative for every couple.
You’re going to be dealing with harsh emotions, extra stress running your home alone, practical issues, including a lack of communication, and so much more.
Here are five tips for surviving the mission together and keeping a strong relationship through it all:
1. Preparing for Deployment: Get Things in Order
The days before your spouse leaves can feel overwhelming, but planning ahead is key.
Anything that is mission critical needs to be in order beforehand. This means making sure important paperwork, like power of attorney, is ready to go.
You’re also going to need to set up a plan for your finances while apart.
If you have kids, prepare them for changes by being relatable and understanding to their needs.
Furthermore, connecting with other milspouses in your community who have been through this for advice and support is another great way to make it through deployment, especially when it’s your first time.
Finally, the number one thing couples can do is to simply spend quality time together before deployment. Having a date night or spending time at a local attraction as a family can go a long way.
2. Maintaining Connections: Stay In Touch With Your Spouse & Community
Communication is important, but it’s difficult during a deployment, and in a world where everyone is only a few buttons away, this can be a tough pill to swallow.
Before your loved one deploys, have a plan on which methods you’ll be using to communicate, and be sure to send messages of encouragement whenever possible.
If you don’t hear from them as often as you’d like, focusing on your daily routine can go a long way. Find a friend you can talk to for support and to help you keep things in perspective when your partner is unable to.
3. Managing Money While Apart: Make a Budget
If you don’t have a solid money plan with your partner, especially when dealing with deployment, stress is inevitable.
Making a budget before deployment and creating an emergency fund for unexpected expenses are key for avoiding disagreements.
Some spouses open a separate savings account just for deployment, which could be right for your relationship; however, each family is different and should plan accordingly.
If you’re new to handling finances alone, financial apps can help you track spending, and the military also offers financial advisors through the Personal Financial Management Program (PFMP).
Furthermore, it’s often best to avoid major purchases during a deployment. Because of how easy it is for criminals to use the Internet for scams, military families are especially susceptible and should always proceed with caution.
4. Running the Household: Develop a Clear Plan & Schedule
Handling everything at home by yourself can be tough. One way to help with these endeavors is to simply make a list of their usual tasks and figure out a plan before your partner deploys.
For example, if fixing things around the house isn’t your thing, find a reliable handyman you both trust for emergencies and try to tackle home projects beforehand.
Most importantly, don’t stress about being perfect. Some days, it’s okay if dinner is just cereal or if you let the dishes “soak” while you watch an episode of your new favorite show. Progress is more important than perfection.
5. Dealing With the Emotions of Deployment: Find Ways to De-Stress
Deployment can bring all kinds of emotions—loneliness, frustration, pride, and even guilt for enjoying time apart.
It’s perfectly normal, but you need to find a healthy way to handle it, including trying a new hobby, setting new goals, planning fun activities, writing in a journal, talking to a therapist, or joining a milspouse support group.
If you have kids, keeping their routines steady and finding ways to celebrate small wins can help them cope, too.
Military OneSource is a great initiative from the U.S. Department of Defense (DoD) offering military deployment spouse support, which may help you during these difficult times.
Can Spouses Go On Deployments?
Most military spouses can’t join their partners on deployment, especially in combat zones, due to safety risks and limited resources.
However, some exceptions may apply through programs allowing dual-military couples to be stationed together and, in rare cases, even deploy to the same location.
While your spouse is away, you’ll need to decide whether to remain on base with your military community or move closer to family.
However, the key to dealing with deployment, especially your first one, is that no matter where you are, you have a strong support system in place. Goodbyes are hard, but being prepared makes it a little easier.
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