HERE'S HOW THE TRAGEDY ASSISTANCE PROGRAM FOR SURVIVORS HELPS FAMILIES

In life, there are many sounds that are forgotten right away. It could be the sound of a car passing by, kids playing outside, or simply your phone buzzing for no reason. But in military life, some sounds stay with you forever. Often, they take the form of a sound that no one wants to hear.

It’s the knock on the door that makes your heart skip a beat. It is not loud. It’s steady and not dramatic. It’s the kind of sound that changes everything before you even open the door.

You instantly know there will be a memorial service, folded flags, and old uniforms. But what comes after those are all done? It’s probably a heavy grief that will continue to linger for many years. This is where the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) comes in, helping families cope with that grief in ways that will last.

A Notification No One Wants to Receive

An unexpected knock on the door from the military isn't something that many military families want to think about, let alone receive. No one ever prepares anyone for that.

Life becomes blurry as days go by after the “knock.” There are phone calls and people coming and going from your house. Decisions need to be made quickly. Everything might feel so rushed in the moment that it feels there’s not enough time to grieve.

There may be a lot of people around you, but you still feel alone. At the same time, you need to be strong for the children, the parents, and everyone who’s watching. That’s mostly how grief creeps in, but in reality, you are not alone on this journey.

TAPS reaches out to military families when they know you need support. They reach out in a way that really feels personal.

They reach out personally because the people behind TAPS have also experienced the same kind of loss. They understand exactly what those early days feel like. The organization knows that sometimes, someone grieving needs just one person to show up and stay with them through the grief.

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How Does TAPS Support Surviving Military Families?

Bonnie Carroll, the founder and president of TAPS, also experienced this profound loss, which drove her to create the organization. Her husband, Brig. Gen. Tom Carroll of the Alaska Army National Guard, did not survive a plane crash during a flight in Alaska in 1992.

"At first, I thought I could help others through this tragedy," Carroll said in an interview. "But then, it became abundantly clear that life had forever changed, and I could barely breathe.”

Carroll knew that if everyone who was experiencing the same grief could be together, they could connect with others who really know what they are going through.

“I spent 2 years searching for the kind of support network I knew existed for other types of loss in our society, but it had never been created for the families of America’s fallen heroes,” she said. “I couldn’t believe it didn’t already exist.”

It’s the military’s responsibility to notify the family first, while TAPS reaches out after the military has done so. They make sure that families can call someone at any hour. They also need to be someone who actually knows what it feels like.

Indeed, it can feel overwhelming during the early days after the “knock.” That’s why TAPS works with military casualty assistance officers to ensure families have access to this kind of support.

The Real Grief Starts After the Memorial Service

After the memorial service ends, there comes a point when everything quiets down. That’s when the grief actually starts. It becomes profoundly real.

“The first days after a loss are surrounded by ceremony and attention,” Carroll said. “But after the memorial service ends and the headlines fade, families return home to a very different reality.”

TAPS doesn't go away after the first few weeks. They stay with you forever. They will continue to check in, offer support, and connect you with other people who are also going through the same loss. They remind families that they are not alone in this military grief journey.

The organization also provides a safe space for thousands of surviving military families. They gather in Washington, D.C., every Memorial Day for the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp for children.

Survivors attend the event annually, and while you might expect the atmosphere to be full of grief, in reality, everyone is filled with gratitude for lives of service.

“That’s the moment they realize they’re not alone,” Carroll said.

TAPS’ number one goal is to stay present for these families. For more than 3 decades, they have not failed in that goal.

When Tragedy Turns Into Family

People who have never met can form strong bonds by sharing something deeply personal. The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors makes this possible for every surviving military family. From there, they become a new kind of family.

Grief changes everything. There is no way around that. But TAPS will quietly and steadily show up for you. They will walk beside you as you figure out what life may look like now.

You’re not going to have all the answers, but through TAPS, you will have someone through it all. Because even though the “knock” changes everything, no one should have to go through it all alone.

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