HOW TO SUPPORT A DEPLOYED SPOUSE: A MILITARY FAMILY'S GUIDE
Deployment is a natural part of military life, and not an event most families enjoy. Although the separation can be difficult, your love and support can help you and your service member not only survive, but grow closer together despite the distance. Learning how to support a deployed spouse makes this challenging time easier for both of you. Whether this is your first deployment or your fifth, these strategies will strengthen your connection.
Send Thoughtful Care Packages
Often, where your deployed spouse is located is missing the comforts of home. Care packages show you're thinking of them and can help them make the best of an undesirable situation. Ask your spouse what they need most. Coffee? Favorite snacks? New socks?
You can connect with other military spouses to share ideas. One wife I know organized a group where several spouses packed boxes together. They shared costs and discovered new items their deployed partners loved.
Include personal touches like handwritten letters, photos of family moments, or their favorite candy. And if you have children, include them in the fun! These small gestures mean everything when your spouse is far from home.
Stay Connected Across Time Zones
Communication keeps your relationship strong, especially during a deployment. Knowing how to support a deployed spouse through consistent contact makes all the difference. Schedule regular video calls that work for both time zones. Maybe that's morning coffee for you and evening wind-down for them.
Send voice messages throughout your day. They can listen when convenient and feel connected to your daily life. Even texting updates about mundane moments helps too.
Receiving messages like, "Look what our kids built today," or "I tried a new recipe today you’ll love," can make them feel like they’re not missing out as much on memories back home.
Protect Their Privacy Online
Be cautious of what you post online. Never share deployment details on social media. Don't post locations, mission information, or return dates. This protects your spouse and their unit.
Share photos and updates, but keep operational details private. Your excitement about their return is wonderful, but save specific dates for private conversations.
Remind friends and family to do the same — and if you need to hold someone accountable, remind them it’s for the safety of your deployed spouse.
Share Life Through Pictures and Videos
Knowing how to support a deployed spouse includes keeping them involved with making memories back home. Send photos and videos constantly. Your spouse wants to see everything they're missing. Kids' soccer games, new haircuts, dinner attempts, even grocery store trips matter.
Consider making short videos of daily routines to share a glimpse of what life is like at home. You can also use video to capture family dinners, or holiday celebrations. These glimpses of home can provide comfort during difficult days.
The USO Reading Program is a great way for kids to stay connected with their parent who has been deployed. This program allows military kids to share story time with their parent by recording themselves reading.
The USO sends the recording to the child’s loved one, helping to bring families together no matter the miles that separate them.
Maintain Traditions and Routines
Today’s technology can help you keep family traditions alive during deployment. In fact, it makes it really easy to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays together virtually. Consider setting up video calls for special meals or movie nights.
One military spouse that I talked to said that she and her deployed husband still had weekly date nights over video chat. They'd eat dinner (or breakfast) and watch movies together online.
Simple traditions like this can help maintain your connection, even over long distances.
Handle Home Responsibilities Independently
Learning how to support a deployed spouse means reducing their anxiety about not being home to help with things they typically take care of.
One thing you can do is take charge of household management. Pay bills, handle car maintenance, manage children's schedules, and make decisions confidently. This reduces your spouse's stress about home while they focus on their mission.
And, if your spouse handles some of these responsibilities, set up a family planning date night before they depart so you can get all the information you need.
Keep them informed about major decisions, but don't burden them with every small choice. They need to trust you're handling things well which can reduce their stress and improve their focus on their mission.
Plan the Homecoming
Consider planning special activities for your spouse’s return. This will give both of you something to anticipate. Maybe it's a weekend getaway, a family gathering, or a quiet dinner at home.
It’s important to discuss expectations before they return. Reintegration takes time, and having plans helps smooth the transition.
A Final Reminder: Take Care of Yourself
Supporting your deployed spouse starts with supporting yourself. Exercise, maintain friendships, pursue hobbies, and seek help when needed. Your emotional health directly impacts your ability to be there for them.
Join spouse groups, attend family readiness meetings, and build your support network. Military spouse deployment support comes from connecting with others who understand this journey. Your support network gives you an outlet to seek guidance, get help, and remind yourself you’re not the only one supporting a deployed spouse.
Deployment challenges every military family, but these strategies can help you navigate this time successfully. How to support a deployed spouse comes down to consistent communication, thoughtful gestures, and maintaining your connection despite the distance. Your love and dedication make their service meaningful and your family stronger.
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